You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
