The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
