We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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