This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
