Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
