You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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