I can't watch pbs sober anymore
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
