Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
