Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize