Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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