I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
