does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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