On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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