Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
