Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
