My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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