i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
that's an acceptable place to lick
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize