I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
