Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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