Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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