DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
