He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
