So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
