it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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