Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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