I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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