o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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