Where is the hickey?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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