My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just want nice things and good sex
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
