I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
