i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize