She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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