Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
