my mouth tastes like poor choices
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Oh god it's open bar.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
