i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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