PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
