Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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