I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
