I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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