Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize