The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Farmville is her only friend.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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