I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
