i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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