I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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