Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
