Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
