so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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