Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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