Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
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