My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
