you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
