im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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