that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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