WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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