I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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