My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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