The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
