My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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