I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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