It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
