I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
