i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
