Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
