Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
