Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
