I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
