i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
