I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
