alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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