i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
