I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i think im in europe. pls send help
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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