how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
