i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize