Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
