Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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