if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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