I'm gonna have a badass scar
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
