based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
