apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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