You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Im part way to drunk.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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