so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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