I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
