I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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