I can't watch pbs sober anymore
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
