Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
