Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i think my tv is drunk
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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