did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
