3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
