I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize