drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I need to sanitize my soul.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
