Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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