This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
