Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
True college students do jello shots in the library
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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