wat bout pragnant strippers??
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
