so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
