been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
