when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
