i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize