erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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