I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize