Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
