I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
