Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize