im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
