why didn't you poke me back
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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