Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
