I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
