Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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