I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
