I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
