i already hear my dad disowning me
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
