Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
