Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
