I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just high enough for therapy.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
