I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
