I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize