fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
