For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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