I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
