Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
