no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
