dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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